overlap

This evening I've had a good half an hour on the phone with someone. It's funny that it was helped by the fact I'm tired enough to react by picking up the phone rather than stopping to think things through, but now I feel utterly shattered. The dust has settled enough in the meantime that the conversation revisited the whole Savoy experience, but talking about it still had me in tears. I could never have predicted that the effect, both on the day and subsequently, would have been as extreme as it has. For all the occasion meant to me at the time, if I'd known then what I know now, I would certainly have thought twice. There's a lot of stuff that's come with hindsight that I really wish I'd realised at the time, and there's undoubtedly more to come on this subject. While it's ironically amusing that my -ism is somewhat underpinned by various difficulties in relating to people, it makes it doubly frustrating that those same difficulties have complicated my relationships with a group of people I'd fooled myself I was communicating with. So where does this leave me? After twenty-odd years where I never found the outlet to take the subject out of the back of the wardrobe, never mind discuss freely, I'm not prepared to turn away from the best thing that's ever happened to me on that front, even if I'm acutely aware that I still have a whole load of making up to do. But for now, I need to sleep.